The microphones are about to go on.
It's about 5:20am and Johnjay and Rich are getting their studio setup on a random Monday for a week of shows.
Rich has noticed that his partner, Johnjay, regardless of any topic including puppies and flowers, will tie it somehow to the pop culture smash TV sensation, BREAKING BAD.
JOHNJAY:
Dude, you gotta check this chick out on Facebook.
RICH:
Okay. Who is it?
JOHNJAY:
I don't know but she totally wants me.
RICH:
How do you know? Did she reach out to you?
JOHNJAY:
Kind of. She works for a car wash and sent me a "private message" yo.
It says. "Sir, you left your house keys on our counter. I am here until 4pm if you'd like to pick them up".
She wants to party.
(now in creepy voice)
Whooo WANTS A car wash? I want myyyy car washed yeah wax my bumper…. wax it.
You got a coupon? OOOOO yea I bet you do, I bet you do!
RICH:
Oh yeah.
I'm sure that's the case. And you're not even a little bit disturbing.
Should I ask how you got into your house?
JOHNJAY:
Oh I didn't even know I had a house key. I usually have to kick open a door in the pantry. It's cool. VERY BREAKING BAD.
I'm the Walter White of my neighborhood. Without you know.. any meth or whatever.
RICH:
So, speaking of houses, there is a house next to me that's all suspicious.
The owners moved in and they have a GARDEN HOSE going onto the roof.
The thing is. It's been up there for awhile and when it's not someone goes and puts it back on the roof.
I also think they've put extra thick curtains up so no one can see inside.They pull right into the garage and close the door as soon as they get home.
I've never really talked to them. It's a bit strange.
JOHNJAY:
They're growing something up there. Mystic Blue, China Nasty, Mr. Holland's OPUS.
RICH:
That last one is a movie.. you know that , right?
JOHNJAY:
Dude, you have no idea. I'm STREET. Tick tock, bitch.
I watch BREAKING BAD.
You wanna roll em'?
I'm down.
RICH:
What's that mean?
JOHNJAY:
We can take over their business. That's BERRA's TURF.
Your name should be NOSENBERG on account of your NOSE and I shall be...THE AB... on account of my abs.
RICH:
Even if I said yes, under what circumstance would you ever drive 3 blocks out of your neighborhood to come out to my turf to "roll"..?
JOHNJAY:
That's a fair point.. I drive a stick. No bluetooth. Hard to text and drive that way. But I can tell you this. I've watched enough back to back to back episodes now to know when someone's "cooking".
RICH:
A garden hose on a roof doesn't mean a drug deal is going down. It means my neighbors are strange.
Like the guy who chases rabbits in his underwear and black socks.
I tried to talk to him once but he just meows. No talking.
JOHNJAY:
He's on the BLUE junk, man.
RICH:
You know just because you watch BREAKING BAD doesn't make you D.E.A., Yo.
JOHNJAY:
Oooh.. that sounded cool. I'm gonna use that.
I'm going on a ride along with a cop buddy of mine. We're gonna bust perps.
RICH:
That's great! But if you ever ACTUALLY ran in to trouble, I'm pretty sure you'd stay in the car and cry.
JOHNJAY:
No way man. I'm gonna get a vest and some of those yellow tinted hunter glasses and go "hard", yo.
RICH:
Remember when the vending machine charged you too much for a water and you were afraid to confront the vending machine guy because you thought he would cut you.. so you sent an intern?
JOHNJAY:
That was different. That GUY was watching me and I believe that he was just waiting for an opportunity for aggression.
RICH:
Hey listen, THE AB, I'm gonna go ahead and get ready for the show. You want to talk about this on the air.
JOHNJAY:
Yes, but I'm gonna need some meth music. Do you have any?
RICH:
Like what, Kid Rock?
JOHNJAY:
Church….
